Friday night I set aside my prejudices against the patriarchal establishment of marriage and disdain for giggling girls to attend a friend’s bridal shower… and I survived, barely. The beginning of the evening was okay, we had dinner and drinks while she opened her presents (all of the “honeymoon” variety) and everyone just chit-chatted with the people around them.
However, after dinner, the conversation turned to marriage and children (it was a bridal shower after all). Of all the women there, I was the only one who had not been either married, engaged, pregnant, or with children at any point in my life. So, while they gushed about weddings and babies, I sat awkwardly trying not to grimace. And then they turned on me.
It began innocently enough when one of the girls, who happens to know of LMC, asked how he was doing. Then the feeding frenzy began…
Girl 1: Who is LMC?
Girl 2: Her boyfriend
Me: Oh well, not boyfriend exact–
Girl 3: How long have you been together?
Me: Umm, well, we’ve lived together for 2 years but um, we’re not—
Girl 1: Are you engaged?
Girl 3: When are you getting married?
Me: Um, well, we’re not. Neither of us really want to get married…
Girl 1: What do you mean you don’t want to marry? Everyone wants to get married.
Girl 2: Oh you just say that, wait till it happens.
Me: Well—
Girl 2: So, Lindsey, when are you due? Do you have a name yet?
Yeah, at this point I was disregarded as someone not fit to converse with because I didn’t want the same things as them. They hear the word ’single’ and treat you as if something is wrong. The words ‘not engaged’ are met with sympathy, as if I have some sort of illness… “It will all be over soon.” And frankly, I’m just so fucking tired of it.
I know I’ve said it again and again, but I don’t want marriage or children. I find the thought repulsive. Luckily, so does LMC.
But these women are relentless. Obviously, because I am a woman, I must want the same things as them right? I must badger my significant other into buying me an overpriced, blood-stained diamond and I must throw a fit when it doesn’t happen fast enough? I should drag him to the alter and then pop out as many children as I can while my fertility lasts? I’m supposed to crave children and start nesting right away? I’m supposed to be happy as my belly swells and strangers touch me while offering advice on how not to screw it up? I’m supposed to be overjoyed when this alien creature comes crawling out my vagina, right? This is what I’m supposed to want?
Well I don’t.
Stop harassing me.
Sounds like the musings of a (future) spinster and the child of divorce witha fear of committment, but what do I know. The old biological clock may provide a change of heart — usually around 30 when the birthing years start shortening.
Oh and shacking up just leaves the door open for either one or the other to leave the relationship. And why not? What’s there to hold the relationship together? The vajajay? It ain’t enough.
And, finally, get married when you want to, if you want to, and not forced into marriage by the peer pressures of girlfriends marrying, having children and slowly moving on with their married lives without you. It’s happening now. Hey, it happens, but you’re misanthropist. What do you care?
Oh, I thought I was finished. It’s just an observation and an opinion and not a judgement about your character or life–if you care to know.
Cheers!
I’ll concede the “child of divorce with a fear of commitment” thing. That’s very true. However, I don’t have a fear of a long-term relationship. LMC and I have lived together for 2 years and counting (which is not a long time to some… but for two people with commitment issues, its a big step). My issue with marriage is that everyone tells me that’s what you’re supposed to do and that’s what every woman is supposed to want. People just irritate me in general but I get especially irritated when other people project their beliefs on to me. Not everyone wants the same thing, and to just dismiss someone because they don’t hold your views is childish.
I have no problem being a “spinster,” as you so affectionately call it, although… is it still spinsterhood if I’m “shacking up?” lol
As negative as your comments usually are, you amuse me.
However, as to your comment about “what’s there to hold the relationship together?”… if your relationship is weak enough that you have to have a legally binding contract to hold it together, then the relationship is probably not worth it. I think you can have a committed relationship without marriage and be just fine. I know quite a few people who have been in relationships for decades, and they’ve never married.
But, to each his own. Just don’t expect me to follow suit.